Ill give you a hint. I was in this big horseshoe-shaped house, with lots of little rooms, trying one after the other to find the right room to change in. It is, of course, the offending therapists who are in need of sexual affirmation and lack the resources or resourcefulness to obtain it in their own personal lives. For one thing, I was certain it would be wise to establish a supportive community to help sustain her in the difficult diet days yet to come. Insofar as I could tell, I was making myself available to her. Marvin, as always, worked hard to produce the necessary information, but, though his dreams had requested it, he soon lost interest in past origins of current life patterns. But her belief was deeply held. Would Dr. C. think I was a slut? Sometimes he put them in a file cabinet in quirky categories (under G for guilty, or D for depressionthat is, to be read when deeply depressed). In fact, I noted with surprise the first stirrings of empathy within me. She had plenty of daunting explanations. But this type of interpretation would be totally useless now: he was far too closed and defensive. Im not sure whether Ive ever had one.. Every profession has within it a realm of possibility wherein the practitioner may seek perfection. I feel very distressed about that and notice that its been slit open. My reaction then was that my aunt was right: there is something basically wrong with me. I felt relieved that he had been willing to share so much with methe only bright spot I saw in the session so far. He was going to kill it soon anyway, with drugs, with AIDS. The second time she smiled was in response to Mikes equally ingenuous question, Would you feed your dog poisoned dog food?. I know she has been going through bad times, and I know that I bear the responsibility for that. This whole thing is ridiculous, some part of me wanted to say. The message I believed the dreamer was sending me:I try to look back but my vision fails. The dreams notwithstanding, I proceeded to recommend a course of marital therapy, perhaps eight to twelve sessions. Besides, my questions had a hollow ring. I personally feel shocked. In fact, throughout the session he remained deeply empathic. No problem. I could only sit and listen and from time to time reassure her that these were human feelings, and that she was only human for thinking them. Betty had heard that her father had really wanted a son and been silently disappointed when she was born. Consider the first, when Mike suggested that Marie seek more information from her oral surgeon, Dr. Z. We traced out the earlier developments of these patterns. We might as well have been in separate rooms. It was not hard to understand why Elva clung to the feeling that Albert was still there, out back in the workshop looking out for her, fixing things. Should I keep Daves letters? I thought. Two weeks later, he began our session by announcing that he had had, during that week, two major insights. There were several reasons. The no-suicide contract (a written or oral contract in which the patient promises to call the therapist when feeling dangerously self-destructive, and the therapist vows to terminate therapy if the patient violates the contract by a suicidal attempt) has always struck me as ludicrous (If you kill yourself, I wont treat you ever again). Fascinating!, Theres a lot of fear of death there, Marvinin this dream and in all the other nightmares. Look at the porno business! His penchant for concealment, his sexualization of all transactions with women, his fear and distrust of all menall of these traits, it seemed to me, were excellent issues to work on in group therapy. .) demonstrate that though the fact, the physicality, of death destroys us, the idea of death may save us. How had that happened? Beware of stripping a patient who cant bear the chill of reality. But, even though I dont show it very muchIm not good at saying thank youI really appreciate what youve done for me these last months. Its just a thought I have sometimes. But we had not progressed very far in our exploration of life purpose (not that progress can be expected: absence of purpose is a problem of life rather than of a life) when Penny changed course yet again. I said, Dave, its really hard for me to respond to your question. And those shots of the California coast. The group focused upon the issue of secrecynot the issue that now most fascinated me, though nonetheless a relevant therapeutic issue. Id be this way with any therapist in the world. During those four years Chrissie attempted to stay in school but was bedridden almost half the time and hospitalized every three or four months. Perhaps the bridegroom was death: it was clearly not the marriage Penny would have wanted for her daughter. Youve elevated him to a superhuman position. Birds in iridescent colors boldly perched in the intricately twisted trees of the garden and caroled strange melodies. What had happened in their lives that might have pushed them into the choices they made? It was my idea to invite Matthew, my idea to ask him the questions you did. I thought I saw her nod her head. But these are indeed rationalizations. Visits to a pet psychologist and trainer were equally fruitless. Isnt that what depression is all about?, Sometimes when people get depressed, certain thoughts circle around in their mind., I start to feel that I will always fail in sex, that my life as a man is over. And your cane. If Saul had already sent the money to the Stockholm Institute, should I not advise them to return the gift? I smiled and silently ground my teeth. My words felt powerful, and I knew it would be best simply to sit in silence with her. When Saul called later that evening, I was alarmed by the somber and aloof timbre of his voice. That was the end of it. Nonetheless, I can still see far into the distance. Marvin, you said youre frightened also by your sexual impulses. Why did you break off? I had always before imagined women sitting on Mount Olympus with a line of men before them and sorting them outthis one to my bedroom, this one not! I turned my attention to Thelma and dismissed, for the time being, the question of Matthews motivation. But he didnt have his head in the clouds. In most other ways he is very self-sufficient. I retreated to fact gathering. Why dont I feel anything?, The feeling is there. At sixteen? To be truly loved, to be remembered, to be fused with another forever, is to be imperishable and to be sheltered from the aloneness at the heart of existence. The waiter is never there when you want him. Perhaps (in an effort to conceal my negative feelings) I tried too hard, and I made the beginners mistake of suggesting other options. She had lost touch with him until her husbands automobile accident. I care about you a great deal., But your caringwhat does it mean? Thank you for sharing your thoughts James. I was concerned by her clinical condition and felt responsible for it: week by week, as new material emerged, she had grown progressively more depressed. Later I had a long talk with Mike about the hour. Marvin mentioned that the strongest dream of all was that first dream, six months ago, of the two gaunt men, the white cane, and the baby. If I were in your situation, Id feel the same way.. So, in my work with Thelma, I stressed to her how her obsession was vitiating her life, and often repeated her earlier comment that she was living her life eight years before. Those resolutions she made when she regained consciousness after her overdose: Could she really believe that she would make Harry happy by rubber-stamping his every request and keeping her own wishes and thoughts concealed? Saul, weve got to start out on the same trusting footing we had before. My batting average for being useful on the phone isnt great. One of the most interesting things I learned was that, when Marvin was seven or eight, a cataclysmic secret event shattered his family and resulted in his mother banishing his father permanently from her bedroom. Was he suing his neurologist? Another reason we can never fully know another is that we are selective about what we choose to disclose. 1. I stored it for future use. Though there is something reassuring about an omniscient therapist who is always in control of every situation, there can be something powerfully engaging about a fumbling therapist, a therapist willing to flounder with the patient until they, together, stumble upon an enabling discovery. What youre saying doesnt make any sense at all. I asked her about the conditions of her life, but she couldnt talk about that. Alarmed at the prospect of my work disappearing without a trace into the computers innards, I sought help. I never really believed it. But Carlos modeled a very different approach to his fate: he was courageous, rational, and open with his feelings about his illness and his approaching death. Nothing. The obsession filled her entire life space. I know, I knowyouve often told me you respected me, and told me you liked me, but it was just words. Marie was brittle, irritable, and despite her avowed gratitude to me, often sarcastic or provocative. Let me try to get my thoughts out clearly. During those years I often led therapy groups of hospitalized patients, whose hospital stay was generally brief. That was a transforming hour. Thelma grew deeply despondent after all attempts to contact Matthew failed. Me! I dont expect Matthew to love me again, I just want him to care about my being on this planet. The patient has either to forego growth or to grow and jeopardize the union. Did the rapist tear our clothing? I taught myself to type on the flight overseas by means of a video game in which, when letters attacked my spaceship, my only defense was to punch an attacking letter before it detonated my ship. Its O.K. I just wished it werent in the service of defending this craziness about the letters. I keep looking for him when I walk down the street. Meil- tai ne aistros blyksnis tarp dviej moni; yra didiulis skirtumas tarp simyljimo ir meils. Why had I not disagreed with her when she listed the reasons that medical school was not possible for her (her age, lack of stamina, laziness, having taken few of the prerequisite courses, and lack of funds)? Still, I wanted him to know about the damage he had done. Think about that. Christ! When driving home, her son would call his wife on his automobile telephone to say he wanted dinner right away. It is the time when one stands before the abyss and decides how to face the pitiless existential facts of life: death, isolation, groundlessness, and meaninglessness. Then Id wonder whether one hundred and four was good or bad? Try again. I felt strongly that Thelmas fear of aging and death fueled her obsession. I was drawn so deeply into her despair and pessimism that I could easily understand the allure of suicide. She lathered him in the shower, she shaved him, she massaged him, she took his soft penis into her mouth and held it there gently until it throbbed into life. The lonely I ecstatically dissolving into the we. Nor did he mention his negotiations with me and my offer to keep the letters for him if he agreed to share all with the group. I can tear down a years work in a day. Did he ejaculate inside of us? I had stripped away defenses without building anything to replace them. We had been talking about the end of therapy, and she described how accustomed she had become to meeting with me and how difficult it would be to say goodbye next week, how losing me would become another in her string of losses, when she mentioned, casually, Did I ever tell you I had twins when I was sixteen?. I was less bored now. I was unnerved by the image of this woman screaming like a wounded animal, and took a few moments to clear it from my mind. I could hear her listening, and continued. Marvin was irritated with me for making him promise to keep repeating the same stupid statement. Im not her, you know! I absolutely do not know.. She got it. What happened then? Let me get this down. I am at the end of my lifes work. First, I couldnt get a slide out of the projector to put in another. But be forewarned, individual treatment will most likely require many months, even a year or longer, and it will not be a rose garden. I got scared and kept saying over and over, I only wanted the trim painted.. To lose a parent or a lifelong friend is often to lose the past: the person who died may be the only other living witness to golden events of long ago. Saul, nothings going to happen to you. Wentworth, a partner of mine, who weighs two hundred fifty pounds, was in the room. Lets see if I have this right. Yalom viewed the smiles as irony. Im available if you want someone to talk tolater today or anytime this week.. It was in Bali that I began to write in earnest. We had a good talk., God, I dont know. I felt calmer, we were coasting in familiar waters. Rapprochements occurred; as her anger receded, family and friends reappeared in her life. The verdict was mixed: in some areas he had maintained his changes; in others he had done some backsliding. Did he ever realize how much I would have liked to join him, perhaps have a quick cappuccino together? If I have good sex with my wife, the world seems bright. So Sarahs account of Carlos in the group, shocking as it was, did not astonish me. Whats the next word going to be?. I felt one with Thelma. , Mock Trial Direct Shannon Shahid (Defense), IGGY Study Guide Ch.21 Cancer Development, Laura Namy, Scott Lilienfeld, Steven Lynn. At first it seemed that these flashbacks, as well as the accompanying extreme mood swings, were chaotic, random occurrences; but after several weeks, Betty realized that they were following a coherent pattern: as she lost weight she re-experienced the major traumatic or unresolved events of her life that had occurred when she was at a particular weight. True to my word to ask hard questions, I urged her to tell me about how awful Chrissies death had been. She was also struggling with many personal issues, particularly her painful sensitivity about her lack of education and her belief that she was intellectually inferior to most people, especially Marvin. And evolution? I called five former therapists and told them I was going to give therapy one last chance and asked them who I should see. I swept away a fantasy of her slowly sinking on a surfboard and acknowledged she had a pointthose did not seem to be her sports. Not even for a handshake!. A week later, a jawline, then a chin, an elbow. Right here, this office, is the one place I can tell the truth, and the truth is that, more than anything else, what I want to do with those two cunts in the group is to fuck them! I finally learned that six months ago Marvin had made the decision to retire and sell his accountancy firm. It put an end to everything, to all my planning, to any hope of escape. It seemed to be trying to tell him something. But there was always fatness, the fat kids, the big asses, the butts of jokes, those last chosen for athletic teams, those unable to run the circle of the athletic track. That must be the six others who felt the same way in the dream. Last year I started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life, although not by deliberate choice but rather as a side benefit of something else -- namely, I attended one of those "computer coding bootcamp" programs here in Chicago, and one of the things they provide for their students for no cost is a licensed therapist on staff for weekly sessions. Love's executioner and other tales of psychotherapy . And at one point in my interview with her, she said that Chrissie will be seventeen next month, instead of would be., Is that such a crime? I asked. No training or punishment was effective. This view backward to the writing of an earlier self was thrilling and poignant, but also dismaying and embarrassing. He bragged that he was now the most supportive and sensitive member. She uttered all these things in a gay chatty tone, as though she were talking about someone else, or as though she and I were college sophomores swapping stories in a dorm some rainy Sunday afternoon. Why slit open and empty? Our next session started uneventfully. I can see why docs get sued. She is of Spanish decent, from Mexico. I had mixed feelings about her response. Or only part honest, or easy honest? I can see, I can feel the difference. Marie viewed the smiles as "Go on, change the subject. Hes violated the basic code of any helping profession. The thirst for religion is too strong, its roots too deep, its cultural reinforcement too powerful. Nietszche said, The final reward of the deadto die no more. Yet here was also a wonderful opportunity to work on our relationship. I felt that way for thirty years. I had heard it before and remembered how unsettled I was the first time she delivered it when, stricken with empathy and grief, I became what Hemingway has referred to as a wet-thinking Jewish psychiatrist.. But when I see a fat lady eat, I move down a couple of rungs on the ladder of human understanding. Her husband called to apologize for his wife, who had overslept, and we agreed upon a meeting two days later. Furthermore, he could not have guessed how difficult a patient Marie had been and what a herculean job I had done with herwith him, she had played, perhaps from sheer perversity, the model patient. Not only was she turned off therapy, she volunteered, but she had no further need of it: she had been feeling much better, certainly far better than three weeks ago! I dont even care if he means it, I just want him to say he cares about me. Two Smiles Marie is frozed in life since her husband's death. My self-pity for being stuck with Marie? Dr. K. listened, gave cautious assent, and agreed to meet twice weekly with Saul, who would do the library research. The metaphor he used in one of our first meetings was that dying is simply trading in your body for another onelike trading in an old car. Then peoples heads kept getting in the way of the screen. er . In one dream she and he wore identification badges and kept switching them with each other. 1. Then you know about loving-kindness meditation. In an effort to reduce her anxiety, I urged moderation and suggested she approach sex with less drastic steps: for example, by spending time talking to men; by educating herself about such topics as sexual anatomy, sexual mechanics, and masturbation. Did things just work out that way? It is not possible to rebuild your house at nightto change the course you have set, just as you are preparing to enter the sea of death. She worked sixty hours a week, had no friends, no social life, no activities in California. She saw through her own illusions, and what illusion had shielded now lay before her, bare and terrible. Over the last several months, I had constructed a visionor, rather, several alternative visionsof him: an irresponsible, sociopathic Matthew who exploited his patients; a callous and sexually confused Matthew who acted out his personal conflicts (with women in general or mother in particular); an errant, grandiose young therapist who mistook the love desired for the love required. I needed someone to hate, too. Would those words from Matthew really release her? I had, once again, fallen prey to the grandiose belief that I can treat anyone. Im not asking for any longer commitment, but I wont start without this. Thats one place where Marvin needs you and can wield no control over you., Phyllis responded hesitantly at first, and then the words began to pour out of her. Cant you see that youre doing this to yourself? Despite the discouragement (depicted in his dreams by such symbols as being unable to rebuild a house at night), he had nonetheless proceeded upon a radical reconstruction of his relationship to his wife. Perhaps the letters might give me additional leverage. Saul suggested they offer a creative synthesis and identify the most promising directions for future research. She was the brilliant, beautiful director who had created this film. Throughout Love's Executioner, Irvin Yalom uses several different theories when working with patients. Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy Irvin D. Yalom 4.24 31,979 ratings1,489 reviews The collection of ten absorbing tales by master psychotherapist Irvin D. Yalom uncovers the mysteries, frustrations, pathos, and humor at the heart of the therapeutic encounter. Every gesture I had witnessed over the months, Marges every grimace, every action, passed in front of me in chronological order. Her pretentious bridge partner was Dame May Whitey (and Dame May Whitey was spry-minded compared with the rest, with all the Alzheimer zombies and burned-out drunks who, according to Elva, constituted the bridge-playing population of San Francisco). . Now and then, when the receptor site was well prepared, we withdrew some part of Me for transplantation.

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